I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
