i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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