I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
