i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
