please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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