so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
