Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish you could order shots online.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
