Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
