god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
