why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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