Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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