So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He better not be in your backpack
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
