if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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