Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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