i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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