I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
