yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
