I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
