Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
