Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
