In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
