Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
