Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
