I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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