I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
