pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
