So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
