I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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