do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
