If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
