i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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