new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i have two assholes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugly people sure do ruin things
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
