Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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