Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
