Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
