I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
