So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
