i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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