arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
