..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
