it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
