I'm drive I can fine osifer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
