Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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