i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
