He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
