After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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