did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
