Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
