guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
