Your tits are I can't wait for
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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