I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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