some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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