Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
