I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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