never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
