im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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