in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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