that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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